Hmm... the last entry I made I said I was leaving... well now I've been home for a week and it feels weird. I really don't wanna be home. Why? Not because I don't love it here... I do. No, not because I miss anyone in particular (although I do greatly). No, not because Arkansas is better than MD... definitely not. Why? Cause I had no distractions from Christ... from my walk with Him and the decisions and ponderings He gave me while I was there will effect me for the rest of my life. The reason I had to come back is because we can not be sheltered and fed information and emotion all the time... without reality and real life and circumstances to exercise our new knowledge and passion, it is in vain. Education and emotion are useless unless it is harnessed and used for the Kingdom of God... this is something God revealed to me... yes, I knew it before... but it means more now. I met some amazing people, have some amazing memories, learned so much more than I thought I could, and had an all out amazing and stretching time. I will never regret going to CBS for 3 weeks when I did. God is amazing and knew what I needed.... CBS helped me a lot. Here are some things I learned or decided while I was there. There are tons of formal things (like information in classes, but that is not what I am talking about necessarily).

1. God is more important than I treat Him... I need to pray and read His word WAY more than I do... I am vowing that.

2. The most important thing in my near future is not to graduate and get a job, which will probably pay pretty well. There is a time for that, but not now. I decided to do some sort of service and use all that I've been taught to serve others and not myself right away.

3. I love this area, but there is so much to see and do. I want to go to other communities, other countries, and see the wonders God made... either in this country or out of it.

4. Who I am is special, God made me who I am and there is no need to change just to make someone or a group of people happy. If you don't like me... then don't think you need to change me... change yourself. That goes for me too: if someone bothers me, it is my responsibility to change... not try and change them.

5. Everyone is made with equal value... I need to treat them as such. The President and a homeless person are equal in value to God... therefore they should be to me also. I will try to live out this concept more so than I do.

6. Complaining about rules, regulations, standards and perimeters that are set up by God or man is ridiculous: it's our perspective and ideas and way of relating to those things that determines their control over us. Freedom comes when we do things willingly, not by not having rules or standards set in place by God or man.

7. Mistakes and misfortunes are the times in life that determine our character. Our character is proved and shown when we make decisions based on what has been done to us or happened to us. Circumstances and misfortune doesn't determine who we are... it is how we react to and deal with the blows in life that determine who we are.

8. Expectations are easily crushed and should be: God is a God of surprises... the very things we don't want or don't think we want are normally the best things for us. This is especially true of relationships: the people we think we won't like or don't want to associate with normally end up being the best friends we have.

9. Happiness is a choice. Joy is something we get from Christ and when we are in Him, everyone will see our joy. It is not a choice. Happiness, however, is a choice. You can be happy when everything is going wrong or you can succumb to the pressure of Satan to destroy our happiness and joy. A smile is free and very contagious. Our joy should be evident and a constant reminder and show piece of our faith and changed life Christ has started in us. A smile, or happiness, is something we can pass on to others even when we don't feel like being happy. Happiness is a choice... and I choose to be happy, no matter what may come.

10. Finally, but not at all the end: True salvation will breed fruit of some sort. Change is eminent in the life of a saved believer. God does not let His children stay put in one place. If God is not changing you, then you should be wondering why not. Allowing Christ to work in your life and spirit is the mark of a Christian. Resisting the work of the Spirit in your life is not a good thing. This revelation is scary and makes me want to shout to everyone I know who is stagnant in their "faith". A passion and burden for my loved ones and friends and their salvation has been impressed upon my heart and a love for the lost is ever present and burns within me so badly that I hope it shows and that I have the courage to express my deepest concern for their lives and their souls. I gained a renewed passion for the lost and the poor, oppressed, and hopeless. May God break all of our hearts to see the need of those around us who are needy, hurting, and hanging on by a thread.

I learned a lot in classes, but a lot of the things I learned were in personal devotions and time alone or in discussions with other people (especially teachers and their wives.) May God bless you and I hope that one of these days we will all be so passionate about the lost that we forget about ourselves and our reputations and preach the word of God fearlessly... even if persecution may come.

A quote I really liked (well that inspired me): Freedom and prosperity did to Christianity what persecution was trying to do. *in other words... freedom and wealth has extinguished our passion and zeal for ministering and reaching the lost and adding people to the Church of our Lord.... this is exactly what the persecutors were trying to do. Persecution breeds converts and zeal and passion... freedom and wealth breeds laziness and passive apathy. * What will your life breed... I am hoping to change so that mine breeds life and passion, not apathy in myself or others.

Ahh, 'Tis the Season. Hmm... I wanted to apologize for the harshness of my last entry. I was going extreme... I don't over spiritualize the Christmas tree like some people have commented to me (in person... not on here). However, I do get annoyed when some people tell other people that their traditions and happiness in certain things is wrong or not right. Hmm. Anyways, enough of that. :)

My thoughts of today fling me back in time to a familiar scene. Christmas. I've had 21 of them in my life (soon to be 22)... so its pretty familiar, although they have changed over the years a little bit. Here's what I remember... come jump back in time with me.

-Always putting the Christmas tree up really late.
-Getting up and opening presents after I could barely sleep at night. (Having Reese-my Yellow lab help with the paper... cause he liked to chew it and fling it around-this was after I was 12).
-Getting a call from "Santa" (my uncle) on Christmas eve... He's since passed away... so no more calls.
-Spending Christmas eve with my dad's family at Pap and Grandma McDonald's.
-Having Pap play his guitar or banjo (sometimes both) before he couldn't anymore.
-Playing pool and hanging out with cousins downstairs while the adults talked upstairs.
-My cousins drinking Pap's whiskey and moving the tape (he put tape on it so he would know how much they drank!) I would assume he knew they did that!
-Coming home and finish decorating the tree or my room... well my room was always decorated extra early.
- Grandma, Pap, and various aunts and uncles (Mom's side) coming to visit on Christmas day.
-Going to Aunt Diane's house and playing with Gretchen and Nick when everyone was still sorta young.
-Getting Sheetz Cappachino (spelling... I wasn't an english major!) with Dad and taking it to Grandma (It was free!)
-Eating cheese and crackers, chips and dip with Mom... dunno why we ate that... just kinda liked it!
-When Aunt Vikki moved back from Va we would go to their house and spend the afternoon on Christmas... they normally watched football or something to that effect on Tv.
-The year I got a bike and there were little notes telling me where to go to find it! (that was fun!)
-Going shopping at the dollar store and buying gifts for family.
-Christmas eve services at Second Baptist (when we were there)... the Christmas plays that I was usually in too.
-I remember the glow of the twinkling Christmas tree lights when I woke up late at night on Christmas Eve.
-I would sleep with my head facing the door so that I could see out and watch for "Santa".
-I always liked helping Grandma decorate her tree.
-Grandma McDonald had this little squeeker thing that turned her lights on her tree on... so I would try and sometimes succeed doing it with my mouth! It was sound activated!
-COOKIES!!!!
-Just spending time with family was nice.
-We would sometimes go over to the Dillon's for Christmas Brunch... in case you don't know.. that would be Rachel's fam (Second Baptist's Preacher's house.)

Anyways, there is much more that I am either forgetting at the moment or just don't have time to write! I hope everyone has a blessed Christmas.... Things may change when it comes to traditions and place in life... but memories last forever... well almost... everyone's grown up.... there are smaller ones now (I'm not the youngest in the fam anymore!) and places have changed where family meets and some family is gone... but the love and warmth felt at Christmas still remains and will forever stay in my heart. :)

With all the traditions, gifts, gatherings, and things to do... don't forget the REAL reason we celebrate Christmas... without the birth of Christ, none of these things would matter... and compared to Him, they don't. However, Christ has seen it fitting to allow us to have memories and loves to watch us celebrate in our own ways... although too many people have gotten AWAY from the real meaning of Christmas... the truth is... that is still the reason... whether they want to admit it or not. May God bless you all Christmas season... and LET IT SNOW! :) Hehehe!

Ok, so I don't really have time to do this, but I am slacking and procrastinating like usual :) I read a blog that was featured and totally thought I should write a response/real version of it :) So... these are the types of friends that every person needs... and yes... we all need them, no one is individualistic or independent enough to go through life alone... don't even try that line! :) And before I start... I have a friend who matches each one of these :) Some more than others and some fill more than one requirement.... which one are you? Speaking of which, thanks to all my amazing friends out there... you are amazing.. or else I couldn't have written this post! When I mention names... there are others, but these are the first that come to mind! So don't be offended!

1. The reality kick in your facer: Yea, that makes no sense, but you need someone to throw reality in your face when you are too unrealistic... for instance, that girl who tells you that your too idealistic when it comes to guys. Or an older friend who tells you that life isn't perfect or that that job you want will only cause you stress and you shouldn't do it! :) Yea, this is a good one... cause as hard as it is to believe, I am an idealistic person... I try and find the best in everyone... even if they don't give me any reason to do so. :) So... if this is you... burst my bubble already... K? (Angie, Lynette and Becca do this alot... LaDawn does too.)

2. The advisor: Just like the first one they give you reality and tell you what you should do with it. :) If I don't know what job to take or what decision to make, this person steps up and acts as my conscience and advisor. Hey... the president has a bunch, why can't I? This person is the one you blame when a decision totally turns out horrible... just kidding, you don't HAVE to take advice. :) This is NORMALLY an older, wiser, and critical person. I have a few of these :) (Some I am thinking of: Lila, Trish, Mr. Yoder, Jerry and Ruth, Marlene- and my parents.)

3. The merciful and cuddler: This is the person you go to when you need to sit and cry. They just sit and listen. Boy, am I NOT this one. I can be... but I ALMOST always start talking when they don't want me too! :) Everyone needs that person they go to when they just wanna cry and complain about something. :) Wow... I have a good many of these too. Thanks guys for all the times I've run to you and balled like a baby and you've gently sat there and listened, even if you didn't really want to. (Umm... Melissa, Becca, Wanda, Alissa among others.)

4. The prayer partner: This is the person you know you can call day or night when you need prayer or you know are praying for you when they say they will. I wish I had more of these... I could use all the prayer I can get! These people are the ones who are selfless and pray for the simple things you ask them to and the big things... the things in life that don't really matter and the things that could change the course of your life. (Alma is the first one I think of... she says she is always praying for me... and I believe her.... umm... my grandma June-she's gotten me through life in her prayers for sure.... others I am sure too.)

5. The get it doner: Yea... I NEED THESE ONES! They are the ones that push me to get things done when I procrastinate or don't do what I am supposed to. :) Marcia is one of these. Lol... I need a good kick in the you know what sometimes.... to get started or finished or woke up when I am just laying around! :) These people may not be the best at getting their own stuff done (although they normally are) but they definitely motivate you to do what you need to do! :) Like I said: Marcia, LaDawn, and a bunch of others... my guy friends normally play this role too.

6. The prophet: Now not literally, but that person who says, "You know what will happen if you do or don't do such and such a thing." Yea... this is a good reminder that you better think about your actions... good or bad. Melanie, Angie, Rachel, and Crystal among others. These normally also tend to be older than me too.

7. The cook/baker: Yup... I am blessed.. both in one house! :) My house! haha.. LaDawn cooks and Marcia bakes... well they both can do both, but you know what I mean. Just today I was trying to figure out what to take to the carry-in tomorrow: I knew that if I wanted to bake something I ask Marcia what to do. If I wanted to cook something... I ask LaDawn. :) Not to mention I get left overs of their stuff :)

8. The handyman or mover: Yup... I have one of these (well a few)... they know who they are... a big blessing for sure! Being a girl, yea I could probably do it with enough energy and self-help books... but being able to call these people saves a lot of time, energy and potential money losses when I break something! (Normally this person comes equipped with a truck... yup... Gary is the one I am thinking of! Mark and Brent along with numerous other guy friends who selflessly help out at our house... My dad is one too.

9. I love these girls for many other reasons than this... but ones that can sew (especially now) are an incredible blessing. Since I stink in the sewing category and need dresses... and normally in short amounts of time because I am a procrastinator and the get it doners aren't doing their jobs... these people are amazing and help me out ALOT! (Marlene, Trish (maybe not so much anymore but I still love her!), Lorraine, Melissa, Wanda, Monica and Melody.)

10. The all through lifers... I don't have many of them... Rachel is the only one who has been there consistently through the years (with the exception of my parents and grandparents and family). However, I see a bunch of people fulfilling this role in my life from here on out :) These are the ones that stick beside you no matter what happens... where you live or how much you change- just ask Rachel... its been a bumpy ride. :) (This is no where near an exhaustive list: Pooch, Marcia, Wanda, Becca, Rachel, Melissa, Angie, Shanita, Rhonda, and a few different guy friends.)

11. The bookworms/Smartypants: haha... yes, I just thought of this one and needed to put it in here. :) These are the people I like to have intellectual arguments with (not that I couldn't with other people too, but these are the passionate intellectuals in my life!) These are the people who bail me out on assignments and help me when I need information. They include: my dad... he's a practical intellectual, Mr. Yoder, Kenton, Lori and Rachel- some people from school would fall into this category mainly because that is the only connection I have with them... school and intellectual conversations.

These are the people who make life worth living... who keep me accountable and on track.... who are friends when I am pretty sure I don't deserve it and all that mushy stuff :) I don't want anyone to think that I am "using" them... these descriptions are only stereotypes of different types of people/friends that everyone has (maybe minus the sewing one...lol). These are the ones that I could go to at any time for anything :) You are all a blessing to me :) Thanks for filling your roles and being the way God made you :) I Love you all... and every one of my friends who didn't get mentioned. :) I still love you all too.